When I was young I dreamed of doing many things; a doctor, veterinarian or a superhero finding bad guys with my superhuman powers. It was only a few years ago, that after finishing my degree in psychology that i dreamed that by the time i was 30, i would be a family therapist saving the world one marriage at a time (so i still want to be a superhero and a psychologist )I did not dream that one day I would be sitting the the front room with a toddler whose pooped his pants and an infant who has been sick. ( Dont get me wrong, my kids are the cutest, and if i ever post pictures you would be jealous, because i make beautiful children) I didn't dream that my knight and shining armor would have mental issues one being obsessive about cleaning. I did not dream that after having two children that I would have post pardom depression that would complicate having warm and fuzzy feelings for any of my once loved activities. I did not imagine that my marriage would be shaky and that I would be hear telling the world my story.

 Having no experience or innate homemaking skills and after spending a few hours searching for someone to teach me how to be a homemaker, nothing seemed to really grab me. I felt everytime I clicked on"be a good housewife", people were being vague or naturally (though unnaturally to me) seeking the best homemaker award by making thier house spotless with DIY projects from pining, making elaborate meals for thier toddlers(serious, all my toddler asks for is fries) or ending the night unfolding thier previous made bed, lit candles and a husband who got lucky with a 1950's pinup girl. (At the end of my night I have a screaming toddler who says he doesn't want me, a baby who pukes on my shoulder and a husband working his biskets off at a job that he doesn't enjoy so we can buy the screaming toddler fries. I do not resemble anything close to a pinup)

No one prepared me for this life. I guess in some psychological mumbo gumbo I could blame my mother, but she's in heaven and it would be stupid to blame her when I should have looked into this lifestyle, just in case, I got married.

In 2008, I found the tall,dark and incredibly handsome man that every woman dreams would walk into her life, back her into a wall and kiss her so hard that time and space collapsed and you hope that you had your lucky undies on. Seriously, he's 6'5, lean, arms meant to hold you or punch someone if they hurt you. When we met I compared his body to a swimmers and today, he hasn't changed a bit physically.  Little did my Prince Charming know that the curvy (I don't mean fat), tan and athletic girl would eat her way through two pregnancies, marriage problems and her mother dying to end up curvy (a little overweight, after eating desserts for 9months...anyone would be, plus baby fat doesn't stick to the baby in my world, it sticks to me) my prince doesn't say a word. I joke and say that the only reason he finds baby improved me is because my breasts tripled in size, but he will say, it's not just that, he thinks I'm beautiful. (Just so you know, I have body image issues and I'm working on it)

Soon after we we married, like I assume most couples, you find out that the cute little things like leaving the plate on the floor so he can get back to kissing you, still is there when you go to bed at night because neither of us thought to pick it up, wash it and put it away. Or that your clothes actually have a place to go other than the floor. Or that the when he ate in front of you before being married and you didn't hear him eating, but now when he eats you can hear every bite he takes, and it's not romantic.

It seems to me that there is this joke that our parents were pulling when they missed the part where life is fun and great when you are dating, but if you don't have any homemaking skills, once you are married you will be thrown in to Dante's levels of hell...(no I haven't s read the book, but i want to) No one says, "you know those fantasies of getting married where you are smiling and enjoying each other every minute...those moments still happen when you go to your toddlers Christmas program and all he can do is stand there and sing the wrong words.( joy to the world is now,"going to the world", just so you are aware that you were singing it wrong, not my toddler, he's perfect. At least today.) Most of our fights as a couple surround my lack of homemaking skills. So I am going to try something new and try swallow my pride and be a homemaker.

Until today I have been dragging my feet and giving the stink eye to the mom who plans thier kids birthday party a year in advance, has a sparkling home, has exercised, showered, makeup and hair all done before her little angels awake with bright smiling faces to beautifully cooked eggs Benedict. I honestly feel like the reason that I may feel so much frustration towards them is because they make it look easy and wonderful, thus perpetually giving women the idea that it is, for everyone.  I am jealous. 

Today I start my adventure in becoming a housewife. I will post what I learn because maybe you are a self taught housewife too. Join the journey with me and email me or post tips to do and try. I can use all the help I can get, just don't expect me to debone a feathered animal.